Learn Reuben-ese

Hey, it's me Sam. Okay, Gibby has this weird friend named Reuben who talks really strange (and by strange I mean he has his OWN language -- REUBEN-ESE). So, long story short -- I had to go on a double-date with this crazy Reuben dude. That was a total nightmare because I didn't understand ANYTHING the kid said. By the end of the night, I was sooooo annoyed by him I ended up screaming at him. He left the restaurant crying. I felt bad for a second or two but then I realized that I had an awesome piece of cheesecake that needed to be eaten and I forgot all about Reuben. He didn't forget about me though (UGH). He wrote me an email to explain his stupid language. I put it up here on iCarly.com in case you ever meet him (but I deleted it from my inbox and my brain 'cuz I hope I never see him again). I WOULD like another piece of cheesecake though.

EMAIL FROM REUBEN:

Hi, Sam.
Here are common phrases I use every day and explanations of what these phrases mean. Hope this helps and we can be together forever now.
xoxo -- Reuben.

Hello. How are you today?
'Sup soda bottle nose. Are your roosters dancin'?
I'm fine. Thank you.
You can't drink two jars of applesauce if you don't lift the guard dog.

I think you are cute.
Wow, you can make a dog bark faster than a fish can climb a tree.

I think you are gross.
You've got ointment all over your bumble berry.
(SAM -- THIS IS WHAT YOU SAID TO ME. YOU CAN SEE WHY IT HURT SO MUCH. APOLOGY ACCEPTED.)

I can't finish this enormous piece of cheesecake.
Ya might as well tie a knot around two kangaroos, know what I'm saying?

No
Does a six-finger chimpanzee eat cardboard nuggets for breakfast?

Yes
Does neon spaghetti take a sandwich ride down to the polo field?

I ate too much.
Ugh, I've got more pigs in a blanket than hobos have sideburns.

I would like to go on a double date with you and your friend.
I'm ready to hang my socks on the monkey parade.

Please, calm down.
You don't need bubble-wrap to know when it's chowder time.

Good bye.
See ya at the ketchup factory, Bubbleface.